Warning people!  I often lack tact!  I am constantly sarcastic!  I'm offensive, vulgar and brutally honest at times!  I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy!  I over-share!  I say whatever is on my mind without thinking about it until after it has escaped my lips! 

I often feel like these little tidbits about me should be tattooed on my forehead so that people know what to expect before I even begin to speak.  People that know me well, know that I have no mental filter and expect nothing less from me.  However, I have to say, I am getting a little tired of constantly getting this look when speaking...
My daughter is always getting on my case about my language.  If you read my "Home" page, you'll know that she is the adult in this relationship.  Anywhoo, she is constantly hounding me about cussing in front of her.  Not that I mean to... I just have a very colorful vocabulary.  I contribute it to many years of working in the construction industry.  It is not unusual to hear the f-word used as verb, noun and adjective all in the same sentence when dealing with contractors.  None the less, she is right, and I should try to clean it up around her and the other kiddos.

So, being me, I've been getting creative in my curses.  Yesterday when I was exasperated with a particular situation, I exclaimed "Holy forks and spoons!"  I don't know where that one came from, but I liked it.  It was very comfortable.  It's definitely a keeper. 

I've also began to use the word "Poop" a lot.  "Oh poop!", "That's poopy" and "I don't give a poop" have become some of my "go to" phrases around the house.  However, when I'm among the land of adults, I get some weird looks when I am constantly talking about poop.  Which I do.  Talk about poop.  A lot.

I've also become fond of calling people "Dirty Hippies".  I got that one from my man.  One day I heard him say "Ahhh, you dirty hippie" and it just stuck.   He's also fond of saying "Son of a buck" and "Poopy-sticks".  There we go with the poop again.  It always comes back to the poop.

I have a gal friend that likes to say "Fart-Knocker, Mother-Jumper", but that's too hard for me to pronuciate when I'm flustered or angry.  I end up accidently slipping a swear word in there and then it just me sounding like I have tourrettes or something.

I really feel like there should be a thesaurus specifically to find synonyms for swear words.  Or an app.  Yeah.... there's got to be an app for that.

In the mean time, I guess I'll just stick with poop.