If you are anything like me, the idea of going out in the cold at the butt-crack of dawn, while standing in endless lines and playing "bumper carts" with a store full of hostile, inconsiderate shoppers sounds less than appealing.  It doesn't matter if it is Black Friday or just a random Tuesday during the holiday season... I hate shopping during this time of year. 

Therefor, I am starting a movement.  While we already have "Cyber Monday", I'd like to see us take it to the next level.  That's right!  I'm starting the "Be Like Messy" holiday challenge!!  I challenge all of you to spend just one day this holiday season shopping on-line while relaxing around the house in your underwear, drinking your coffee... or whiskey... or whiskey and coffee, all while in the safe, warm, quiet environment of your own home. 

If you would like to start your challenge this weekend, I have just the place for you!  Etsy sellers has some killer deals every year that start on Black Friday and run through Cyber Monday.  My shop included.  Not only can you take the challenge and shop in your skivvies this weekend, but you can find some awesome, unique, hand-made gifts for your loved ones there too!  Win-win!!

Go to www.etsy.com to search for awesome deals on unique items

If you are interested in checking out my shop, go to
Everything in the shop is 15% off now until end of the day Monday, December 2nd.

Take the challenge today!
I have, and have had troubles sleeping most of my adult life.  I am lucky if I get 5 hours of rest on my own, and rarely do I manage to sleep for a solid period of time.  I’m usually up several times during the night tossing and turning while my brain decides to focus on everything but sleep… what has happened… what will happen… what is happening right now... what is happening here... I wonder what is happening over there...  You know what’s not happening right now brain?!?  SLEEP!!  THAT’S WHAT IS NOT HAPPENING!!! 

So, anywhoo… I finally got to an age where I just couldn’t run on 3-4 hours of rest and a pot of coffee alone.  At first I tried to find other means of getting a good night’s rest.  I tried a hot bath.  I tried warm tea.  I tried yoga and meditation.  I tried more herbs than a pot-head at a Phish concert.  I seriously tried everything before I jumped on the sleeping pill express.  But eventually, I went to my doctor.  It was my last resort.

Fast-forward to a little over a week ago…

After several attempts at other sleeping pills proved unsuccessful, and my insurance denied the drug that my doctor thought would be perfect for me; she finally broke down and prescribed me Ambien.  She was reluctant.  I was terrified.  I’ve heard the horror stories.  Hell, even my pharmacist felt the need to tell me a story of late-night, sandwich-making, sleep-walking that one of her customers experienced after taking the drug.  I already know I talk in my sleep… why not add walking around half-naked, destroying parts of my home, whilst making a ham and swiss on top of it?!? 

Once I got the prescription, I didn’t know what to do.  Maybe I should just try it out and see what happens...  Maybe I’ll get lucky and my sleep-walking self will clean the entire house so I don’t have to worry about it this weekend.  Maybe I should wait until the man was home so he can keep an eye on me…  Of course, knowing me, I’d dream I was the Karate Kid and crane-kick his Cobra Kai ass out of the bed.  Maybe I should just wait until a night that I actually NEED a good night sleep and just roll the dice… Oye…

So after a few days, I decided to just go for it.  My boyfriend was away for the week hunting with his dad, so I devised a plan.  I took the pill, and then rolled myself up in my blankets.  I literally started at one end of our California King, grabbed the edge of the covers and rolled all the way to the other side.  I figured if I started to sleep-walk, it would surely be too difficult to escape my blanket-burrito-like restraints and eventually my unconscious self would just give up the fight with the comforter and succumb to just laying there like a wrapped up fish.

And it worked! 

After about 8 hours of the most restful sleep I have had in a LONG time, I unrolled myself, jumped out of bed, and ran around the house inspecting for any damage, any evidence of a cooking spree, or any unexpected, yet delightfully welcomed, cleaning that I may have done during the night.  But there was nothing.  Everything was just the way I left it.  I was in the clear.  Awesomesauce….

I'm seriously considering that they next time I take it, I will really try to focus on a spotless house before I fall asleep in hopes that if I do manage to free myself from my blanket prison, I might put my unconscious body to good work and at least do the dishes or something.  Or maybe bake some brownies.  Mmmmm... sleep-walk brownies....
I've been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook lately about having something to be thankful about every day.  You know... "Day 11:  I'm Thankful for my sweet children that keep me humble and make me feel loved every single day."  My feed is completely bombarded with warm, fuzzy feelings of thankfulness.  It's a little nauseating.

Now don't get me wrong... I am very blessed.  And I thank God every day for what he has given to me.  The good... the bad... and everything in between.  Because everything happens for a reason.  Either it is a blessing or a lesson.  And I am extremely thankful for every blessing and every lesson he has bestowed upon me.

However, if I were to choose something different and specific to be thankful for every single day for the entire month of November, I'd either have to A) fudge the truth a little so that my "thoughts of thankfulness" were all warm and pleasant, or B) be honest and have a list that went something like this.... (in no particular order)....

  • Day 1: I am most thankful for my daughter.  She makes me proud and gives me gray hairs every single day.
  • Day 2: I am thankful for hair dye.
  • Day 3: I am thankful for my parents and for the fact that they didn't drown me when I was a teenager.
  • Day 4: I am thankful for my siblings.  Growing up they showed me love.  They taught me humility.  And most importantly, they taught me not to do what they did, or at least not to get caught doing it.
  • Day 5: I am thankful for my amazing boyfriend.  He makes me proud.  He makes me laugh.  He makes me smile.  He always makes me feel loved... and he best keep that shit up if he knows what's good for him!
  • Day 6: I am thankful that my boyfriend had three wonderful, beautiful children... and then a vasectomy. 
  • Day 7: I am thankful for vasectomies.
  • Day 8: I am thankful for sarcasm.  Without it, I would have to say what I really thought and everyone would think I was a complete asshole.
  • Day 9: I am thankful for beer. 
  • Day 10: I am thankful for coffee.  It's like a warm, beautiful hug in the morning.  It makes waking up bearable.  It's the perfect drink to get you through your day... or at least until it is socially acceptable to start drinking beer.
  • Day 11: I am thankful for those that served or are currently serving in our military.  It's Veterans Day... If you thought I was going to say something sarcastic, I'm sorry to disappoint.   
  • Day 12: I am thankful for my friends.  Most of them as stuck by me through many, many crapstorms.  I don't know if they just truly love me, or if they were waiting to see what the hell would or could happen next.  Either way, I'm extremely appreciative they came along for the ride. 
  • Day 13: I am thankful for Salsa.  I put that shit on everything!
  • Day 14: I am thankful for music.  But only good music.  I AM NOT thankful for that garbage Justin Beiber spews out of his pretentious little pie-hole.
  • Day 15: I am thankful for men with beards and tattoos.  Making my knees weak since 1996. 
  • Day 16: I am thankful for whomever invented "Movember" or "No-Shave November" or whatever you want to call it.  Convince men not to shave their facial hair in order to promote men's health... Genius! 
  • Day 17: I am thankful for beer.
  • Day 18: I am thankful for my dogs.  And dogs in general.  I swear, those goofy bastards keep me from having to be severely medicated.
  • Day 19: I am thankful that I am allergic to cats.  It gives me an excuse not to have one of those temperamental little fucktards.
  • Day 20: I am thankful for warm, fresh baked bread.  Not that I make my own bread.  Ever.  But when I get bread, like at a store or restaurant, and it's still all warm all over,  and soft on the inside... yeah.... that's the bomb.
  • Day 21: I am thankful for my sense of humor and those that understand it.  Life is short people!  Laugh!  Even at the stupid shit!
  • Day 22: I am thankful for toilet paper.  And we all should be.  2-ply for life baby!  Boo-ya!!
  • Day 23: I am thankful for flannel.  Flannel shirts, flannel pants, flannel sheets... I live in that shit when it's cold outside...
  • Day 24: I am thankful for social media and the internet.  Now I will never have to go to a class reunion to reunite with people I chose not to keep in touch with in the first place.
  • Day 25: I am thankful for more beer.
  • Day 26: I am thankful for... I can't believe I am about to say this... MY JOB.  Sure, there are days that I fall asleep at my desk because it is so boring and mundane... and there are days I feel like throwing my stapler at certain people's heads... but it could always be worse. It could be better... but it could also be worse. 
  • Day 27: I am thankful for spell check.  I'd sound like a complete idiot without it.
  • Day 28: I am thankful for turkey and mash potatoes and stuffing and rolls and pumpkin pie... but not that cranberry shit.  That shit is awful! 
  • Day 29: I am thankful for antacid.
  • Day 30: I am thankful that this month is finally over and I can go back to just being generally thankful for everything.
I've been listening to a lot of Kings of Leon lately.  I mean... A LOT.  Mostly old stuff... Like songs from the Youth and Young Manhood and Aha Shake Heartbreak albums.  I've been playing KOL at work, in the car, at home...  The other night, whilst we were shopping at the Home Depot, I managed to completely miss a conversation that the man was trying to have with me... all because "Use Somebody" was playing on the store radio.  It's becoming an issue....

Last night I had a dream that I was the lead singer of an all female Kings of Leon tribute band called "Molly's Chambers".  There I was... up on stage... singing "Four Kicks"... Looking completely BAD ASS... Rocking it. 

I literally woke up thinking that this dream was a sign.  Like this tribute band was my true calling.  Like "Build it, and they will come"... I was inspired.  I was excited.  I was ready to put on some tight jeans and an old band shirt, not shower for a couple days and replace the water in my coffee pot with whiskey...

There is just one problem.  I can't sing.  I mean... I can, but no one wants to listen to it.  One could compare my singing to the sounds of a rabid raccoon in heat.  It's not pretty.  It's a little disturbing.  Oh, and I don't play an instrument either.  No guitar.  No drums.  Not even a tambourine.  Hell, I never even mastered the recorder they gave us in elementary school. 

After a little more thought about the situation and being a little more awake, I realized that these little "obstacles" put too much of a damper on my whole "lead singer playing the guitar with tons of groupies in a famous tribute band" dream.  I had to let go... I guess it was not my calling after all.  And I was really looking forward to having a reason to get tattoo sleeves...